If you’ve ever sat staring at your to-do list, wondering how the list grew into a Hydra with heads sprouting faster than you can chop them off, you know the feeling of “too muchness.” Life piles on—emails, errands, deadlines, family needs, the constant buzzing of notifications. It feels like trying to conduct an orchestra while every instrument is playing its own tune.
As both a therapist and a fellow human, I know this intimately. My clients often walk into sessions describing it as “overwhelm,” but when I share that I’ve been there too—that I’ve driven home in tears, that I’ve stayed up at 2 a.m. replaying unfinished tasks—they nod in relief. Managing “too muchness” isn’t about eliminating chaos (because let’s be honest, chaos is part of life). It’s about learning how to dance with it instead of letting it flatten you.
Recognizing “Too Muchness”: A Prelude to Change
You can’t manage what you don’t notice. For years, I brushed off my exhaustion as a badge of honor—just what adulthood looked like. But my body kept sending messages I couldn’t ignore: migraines that knocked me down, irritability over small things, forgetting appointments. That was my wake-up call.
1. Understanding the Symptoms
“Too muchness” sneaks up gradually, often disguised as busyness or productivity. But there are signs if you’re willing to see them:
- Physical Exhaustion: Not just tired, but bone-deep fatigue that doesn’t fade with eight hours of sleep.
- Emotional Numbness: A subtle but painful disconnection—you stop enjoying even the things that usually light you up.
- Cognitive Overload: Forgetting small details, struggling to focus, feeling like even the simplest decision is a mountain.
Acknowledging these symptoms isn’t weakness—it’s a turning point. It’s your body and mind asking for a reset.
Crafting Your Symphony: The Art of Prioritization
One truth I’ve learned: not everything deserves equal weight. Trying to give 100% to every single demand is like turning up the volume on every instrument in an orchestra. All you get is noise. The art of prioritization is about choosing which sounds deserve to be loudest.
1. The Eisenhower Box in Real Life
I started using Dwight Eisenhower’s simple decision matrix not just with clients but in my own life. When I put “reply to emails” in the “urgent but not important” category and moved “call my mom” into “important but not urgent,” something shifted. I felt lighter, more in control.
2. The Daily Top 3
Each morning, I now write down three tasks that, if completed, will make me feel grounded. Some days it’s work-related, other days it’s “do laundry, call pharmacy, walk outside.” Narrowing focus to three reduces overwhelm and builds momentum.
3. Batch the Chaos
Grouping similar tasks is like sweeping leaves into a pile instead of chasing them one by one. I answer emails in two 20-minute windows rather than letting them interrupt me all day. It’s a small act of boundary-setting with my own attention.
Cultivating Boundaries with Grace
If prioritization is about external noise, boundaries are about internal protection. For years, I overcommitted—extra shifts, last-minute favors, endless “yeses.” It took me hitting burnout to realize: boundaries aren’t barriers, they’re bridges to healthier relationships.
1. Start Small and Practice
I began by saying, “I can’t take calls after 8 p.m.” Simple, doable, and effective. Once I experienced the relief of holding one boundary, I built confidence to expand.
2. Stay Consistent
A boundary only works if you honor it. Wavering sends mixed messages, to others and to yourself. The more consistent I became, the easier it was for people to respect my limits.
3. Communicate Clearly
Clarity prevents resentment. Instead of blaming, I use “I” statements: “I feel drained when meetings go late, so I’ll need to leave by 6.” It’s firm but not confrontational. Clients often tell me this one shift changes their dynamics at work and home.
Embracing Stillness Amid Chaos
Stillness once felt impossible for me—an indulgence for people who had more time. Then came a week where everything crashed: my car broke down, deadlines stacked up, and my nerves were shot. Out of desperation, I tried a five-minute breathing exercise. I didn’t expect much. But it felt like lowering the volume on life’s static.
1. Deep Breathing as a Reset
Try the simple 4-4-4 rhythm: inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four. Do it three times, and notice how your pulse slows, your thoughts untangle.
2. Mindful Walks
Even a 10-minute walk outside can act as a mental decluttering. Focus on details: the sound of leaves, the texture of a brick wall, the smell of coffee from a nearby café. It reconnects you with the present instead of drowning in “what’s next.”
3. Guided Meditations
Apps like Headspace or Calm turned mindfulness from an abstract idea into a concrete tool for me and many clients. Five minutes of guided focus each morning has been shown to reduce anxiety and increase resilience.
Building a Supportive Ensemble
When life feels like too much, the instinct is often to isolate. But disconnection fuels overwhelm. The antidote is community—inviting others into your mess.
1. Invest in Relationships
Simple rituals—Sunday dinners with family, weekly texts to friends—anchor me. Even when I feel like canceling, I remind myself connection isn’t optional; it’s medicine.
2. Therapeutic Support
Therapists aren’t immune from needing therapy. I’ve leaned on colleagues and mentors when life outpaced my coping. Professional support provides perspective and tools you can’t always access alone.
3. Online Communities
One client found immense relief in an online group for caregivers. Sharing experiences and realizing “it’s not just me” reduced her stress. Sometimes belonging is the best balm.
Celebrating Small Victories
Progress doesn’t announce itself with confetti. It shows up in micro-moments: crossing one thing off your list, saying “no” without guilt, or choosing rest instead of pushing through.
1. Journal of Wins
I keep a “victory log.” Some entries are monumental (“finished grad school”). Others are tiny (“went to bed on time three nights in a row”). Looking back, I see evidence that I can handle more than I think.
2. Reflect with Intention
Once a week, I pause to ask: “What went well? What felt heavy? What can shift?” That simple ritual helps me steer instead of drift.
3. Share the Joy
When a client celebrates, I encourage them to share it—post it, tell a friend, treat yourself. Joy multiplies when spoken aloud.
Truth Nuggets!
- Embrace the Pause: Not every moment must be filled. Relish in stillness—it’s where creativity and clarity often bloom.
- Energy Audit: Regularly assess what drains or fuels you, and adjust accordingly.
- Be Authentically You: In a world insisting on more, dare to choose authenticity over excess.
- Perfection is a Mirage: Seek progress, not perfection. Flaws are markers of a lived life.
- Reach Out: A hand extended in vulnerability can foster the deepest connections.
- Celebrate You: Honor your efforts, resilience, and strength—your dance through “too muchness” is uniquely yours.
Turning “Too Muchness” Into Just Enough
Life will never stop being busy. The inbox will refill, the laundry will pile up, and the unexpected will barge in. But “too muchness” doesn’t have to own you. With recognition, prioritization, boundaries, stillness, support, and small celebrations, you shift from drowning in chaos to riding its waves.
You don’t need perfection—you need presence. And in those small, steady steps, you’ll find that “too much” gradually transforms into “just enough.”
Nervous System Whisperer
A doctor of chiropractic and somatic educator, Theo writes like your body’s been waiting for someone to speak its language. His work centers on real balance—less optimization, more regulation. Breath counts. Rest counts. You count. Still not great at meditating, and that’s fine.
